Joey Harpel

Title: The House
Author: Christina Lauren
Genre: YA Horror
Published: 2015
My Rating: ★★★★★

When her family can no longer afford to send her to private school, Delilah returns to public school in her hometown. There, she thrusts herself upon the mysterious boy she’s had a crush on since forever.

Gavin has a secret–his house has a mind of its own and has raised him since he was a small child. House is the only family he has until Delilah enters his life, and House isn’t interested in sharing him.

I loved this! I was so thoroughly creeped out. I read it late at night (of course) and it got to the point where I’d demand my boyfriend to stand guard outside the bathroom. He wouldn’t humor me.

To be honest, I’m a bit of a chickenshit. Horror buffs might not feel the same tingles of adrenaline I did. But it’s not like there’s some thing in the house that hates Delilah. It’s the entire freaking house. Every inanimate object inside it has a mind of its own. Not only that, but its reach extends past the house, through roots and wires, to other homes. It’s not like you can easily sneak around and get away from it. The whole town is unsafe.

The characters are both endearing and I appreciated the dual point of views. Delilah looks sweet and normal, but is obsessed with the macabre. She doodles gruesome pictures in her notebooks, watches slasher flicks, and alphabetizes her books by the cause and number of deaths (might have to look into this). She’s also fiercely protective of Gavin, who is a doll (not literally, to clarify). He looks like your mysterious, haunted bad boy, but he’s actually a sweetheart. They are utterly adorable together and I was seriously worried that something horrible was going to happen to both of them.

I would recommend this to fans of Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake. It’s not as bloody and full of angst, but it still made me laugh and gave me the chills.

Title: The Love Interest
Author: Cale Dietrich
Genre: YA Fiction
Published: 2017
My Rating:  ★★

Caden is a Nice, the boy next door. Dyl is a Bad, the tortured and dangerous hot guy. After years of training to become spies–specifically, the Love Interest of a Chosen (a person who will one day likely have great influence and power)–the two are thrust into the real world to compete in making a brilliant young woman fall in love with them. When the two begin to have feelings for each other, their mission becomes even more complicated. Worse, whoever she doesn’t chose will die. 

I was so looking forward to this book. I first saw it in Writer’s Digest, where they put a spotlight on debut authors. The cover snagged my attention first, followed by the odd but compelling premise. Two boys who fall in love with each other instead of the girl they’re supposed to? Heck ya!

Unfortunately, I knew I was doomed from the beginning. The voice and the dialogue felt stilted and juvenile. Yes, I’m an adult–wait, did I just say that? All right, yes, I admit it: I am physically an adult. But I read a lot of YA. There’s stuff that feels super kid-lit and stuff that has crossover appeal. This did not have crossover appeal. It just felt too…bubbly for what was happening. Perhaps it was because the story is told from the Nice’s perspective. If it had been told from the Bad’s perspective, there likely would’ve been a lot more angst.

The plot, especially in the last half, felt extremely over the top. When I was going in, I didn’t realize this would be a life or death situation and that the loser would be incinerated. I’m generally all for action, but I could’ve done without it here. I wanted the author to focus more on Caden and Dyl’s relationship. Something more realistic would’ve been more compelling. There’s also so much attention to clothes. Like, every scene there’s a description. Honestly, who cares?

I’ll admit, there are a few gems. Caden asks his coach, “Wouldn’t it be better to send us in when we’re a bit older? No one finds the love of their life while they’re a teenager.” To which she replies, “You haven’t read many YA novels recently, have you?” Dietrich pokes fun at trends in YA. How boys are expected to behave in those stories. Not like persons in their own right, but someone to cater to the girl’s every whim. The boys alter their appearances and their personalities to conform to the girl’s desires. They put her ahead of themselves at all times. It’s nice to see someone take that love triangle trope and turn it on its head. It made me think more about my own characters and how I want them to be fully fleshed out individuals.

Overall, I really wanted to like this book. The idea intrigued me, but I didn’t like the execution. It’s a debut and unfortunately it reads like a debut.

Title: Outlander
Author: Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Historical Fantasy
Published: 1991
My Rating: ★★★★★

After WWII ends, army nurse Claire Randall vacations in the highlands of Scotland with her husband. While visiting a standing stone in an ancient circle, she is hurled back in time to 1743, where her life becomes intertwined with a young Scots warrior. 

Holy balls there’s a lot of sex. Like, chapters of it! Pages and pages and pages . . . My eyes are so violated and yet, I still loved this book. I hesitated picking it up recently because it’s so thick (that’s what she said) and I wasn’t ready for the commitment of such a hefty series. But I kept hearing about it, especially with the TV series now airing, and I remembered my older cousin recommending this book to me over a decade ago when I was a teen. She wisely told me to hold off until I was older.

I’m so glad I waited. If I hadn’t, I would’ve hated this book. There were just too many adult themes for my younger self to handle. Even now, there are a few things I could’ve done without, such as all the birthing and nursing scenes. Reading about someone milking themselves is not something I’m inclined to enjoy.

Gabaldon skillfully transports us back in time. Not only to 1945, but to 1743 as well. Her descriptions are so vivid that I actually feel like I’m in the Scottish Highlands. As far as I know, the accents are spot on and weren’t horribly difficult to understand (Huck Finn, anyone?). I wish I knew more about that particular area and time in history, but Gabaldon does a great job keeping me in the story without wondering what the heck is going on. The only problem I had were the kilts. I find them unattractive, so I often pictured the men in pants.

And in the case of Jamie Fraser, the young Scotsman, I pictured no pants at all (*roguish grin*). Ah, Jamie . . .  there were times I was very cross with him for being such a bullish man, but he is a product of his environment and I cannot fault him for that. With all that he has to endure, which is shockingly graphic and horrifying in parts, you cannot help but love him.

I’m sorely tempted to begin watching Hulu’s version, but I’d like to get through the entire series before I do. I don’t like picturing the actors while I’m reading the books, and I’m afraid they won’t do justice to the books. I also don’t want to actually see naked people because icky!

Have you read it or watched the adaptation?

Title: Holding Up the Universe
Author: Jennifer Niven
Genre: YA Fiction
Published: 2016
My Rating: ★★★★★

The sudden death of her mother caused Libby Strout to overeat to the point where she could no longer move and had to be cut out of her house. Now she’s lost half the weight and is returning to school for her junior year. Despite the bullies, she plans on having a normal high school experience by joining the dance team and sexing off the rest of her weight.

Jack is the school’s king, but he has a secret. He cannot recognize faces, not even his own family’s. Everyone is a stranger to him. To keep himself from being hurt, he acts aloof and doesn’t let anyone get too close.

When he plays a cruel prank on Libby (and she bloodies his nose), the two are forced into detention together. A budding relationship ensues.

This was freaking adorable. I love Libby. I love Jack. I love Libby and Jack together. They’re both funny and flawed and full of personality. I especially loved Jack’s ten-year-old brother, who is wise beyond his years. He also suffers from bullying because he’s black and most certainly gay. I so badly want to see a sequel starring this kid as a teenager.

Overweight people tend to be seen as less than human in this country, and it amazes me how much one person can hate another for their appearance alone. After being cut out of her house, Libby is sent hate mail. They call her a fat whore and shame her for eating so much while others starve. Yet Libby doesn’t let that stop her. We can all learn from her optimism and confidence. I mean, I could never walk the school’s hallways in a purple bikini, and I’m a good two hundred pounds lighter than her.

This book learned me a few things. First of all, I had no idea that prosopagnosia (face-blindness) existed. It’s frightfully fascinating, but also, I imagine, terrifying. In Jack’s case, nobody has a clue. Not even his family or closest friends. He has to search for identifiers to recognize people. Hair color, skin color, voice. If he gets people mixed up, it leads to bad things, like making out with his girlfriend’s cousin. Brad Pitt also suffers from face-blindness. That must be why we’re not together. He just can’t keep track of me (Kidding! I never had a crush on Pitt. He’s, like, old and I don’t want anyone’s leftovers).

Also, did you know a group of pandas is called an “embarrassment”? Next time my family calls me an embarrassment, I will take it as a compliment. Why yes, thank you, I am cute, cuddly, and furry.

Holding Up the Universe reminds me of Eleanor and Park. It’s sweet, funny and heartbreaking. It may not be set during the rad ’80s, but it’s in a similar vein of fiction. I haven’t read Niven’s acclaimed All the Bright Places, but you can bet it will be arriving on my doorstep soon.

Suggested reading: We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson. Because it’s Libby’s all-time favorite novel, it’s referenced often. I unfortunately haven’t read it, so the references went over my head.

Title: The Sin Eater’s Daughter
Author: Melinda Salisbury
Genre: YA Fantasy
Published: 2015
My Rating: ★★★★

Twylla gives up her future as a Sin Eater to become a goddess-embodied. Betrothed to the prince, she carries out her duty as the queen’s executioner for those who commit treason. The very touch of her skin kills. The court, even the prince, avoids her. When a charming new guard arrives, she learns what it is to love. Or something.

Salisbury’s worldbuilding is spot on. The idea of Eating your sins interests me immensely. There are different foods for different sins. For example, Crow for murder and bull’s eye for rape. The Sin Eater, who is always a woman in Twylla’s kingdom, has to accept the food. If she doesn’t, then the deceased cannot be properly put to rest. The Sin Eater is beyond even the queen’s power.

What I don’t understand, and maybe I missed this, is how do you know what foods to set out for the deceased? Some sins are obvious. Others, not so much. What if it’s a secret sin? Do people just somehow know? Or is the person supposed to confess their sins before they die? It was unclear.

Twylla, the main character, doesn’t have as strong a personality as I would like. She shows moments of ruthlessness: She gave up her destiny as a Sin Eater, which she didn’t want, to become a princess. She seems resigned to her role as executioner. She craves power. Yet I didn’t entirely connect with her. She doesn’t actually do a whole lot. For most of the novel, she’s restricted to her room. Anytime she leaves her room, she is accompanied by her escort. I feel like the only thing she really contributes is that she reveals the queen’s plan.

The prince’s plight, on the other hand, tugged at my heartstrings. The poor, lonesome little guy. When you’re surrounded by crazy, inbred family who want to marry you, well, how can you not sympathize? Although he is smart and handsome with dark hair and pale skin (yum, my favorite), I cannot overlook the years of inbreeding that brought him into the world. Therefore, no book boyfriend.

I’ll be honest, the queen scares me. I think women make the best villains. They can be truly terrifying forces, likely because they’re portrayed as being more unpredictable. There’s something about the wicked queen that terrifies me. Wicked kings don’t strike as much fear in me.

I’ve already ordered the second book, so I liked it enough to continue. I’m also excited to switch to a new female protagonist. While I’m not usually a fan of series that change main characters like that, I’m actually looking forward to reading about someone other than Twylla.

Bottom line: Read this for the worldbuilding, not for the character development.

Have you read it?

Title: Chocolat
Author: Joanne Harris
Genre: Fiction/Magical Realism
Published: 2000
My rating: ★★★

The small village of Lansquenet-sous-Tannes is shaken by the arrival of Vianne Rocher and her young daughter. The parish priest especially doesn’t take kindly to the opening of her chocolate shop and the influence she has on his flock. 

***

Frankly, I’m miffed. I was prepared to give this novel five stars. I loved the voice, the vivid descriptions, the magical realism. I ate a ton of chocolate while reading (wait, that’s nothing unusual) and looked up nearby chocolatiers I could window shop at because dayum that stuff is expensive.

The rating took a dip when I couldn’t really tell where she was going with the plot. Also, I never had a clear sense of what time period we were in. I immediately assumed early 1900s because the people are so conservative and backwards. It has an old-timey, magical quality to it, perhaps because it’s set in an old French village. But then there are glimpses of satellites and wide screen TVs that flung me out of the novel.

I didn’t like that it was set in modern day, but I was prepared to overlook it. Like I said, the writing exudes a magical charm that I loved.

Then I reached the end.

Now, I’ve never watched the movie adaptation in its entirety. I’ve only seen glimpses of it when I was a kid. I assumed it was a romance. In contrast, the novel didn’t feel like a romance. I’m fine with that. Romance is icky and Chocolat explores so many other issues. Roux, the kind-of love interest plays a smaller part than I had anticipated. He was certainly not Johnny Depp dreamy. BUT *spoiler alert* he and Vianne do have the sex towards the end AND he unknowingly gets her pregnant AND he ends up with another woman.

. . .

Miffed. So miffed.

I feel the sting of betrayal even if Vianne wanted it this way. Call me old-fashioned, but he should at least know he has a kid. He has a right. If he had upped and left like the gypsy he is, I would’ve been fine with it. But he falls for another woman. Vianne knows this and sleeps with him anyway. Then, like the gypsy she is, she decides that she’s ready to move on to another city or country or wherever the hell the wind takes her.

When I was putting the book back on the shelf, I accidentally dropped it. And you know what? I left it where it fell. Maybe that’s a bit spiteful, but by golly, it pissed me off.

It’s so sad when an ending turns you off of the entire book. I mean, I really thought we had something good going.

Title: The Gentleman
Author: Forrest Leo
Genre: Fantasy
Published: 2016
My Rating: ★★★★★

Lionel Savage, an eccentric poet in Victorian London, finds out from his butler that he’s broke after furnishing his private library with books. He marries a young woman for her money. Six months into this loveless marriage, he realizes his muse has left him and he cannot write anymore. He contemplates suicide until the Devil pays him a rather civil visit and borrows a book. Later, after his wife goes missing, Lionel realizes he inadvertently sold her to the Devil.

Oh Lordy. I have not laughed this much reading a book since forever (or so it feels like). I read the entire thing in one sitting–no small feat for me. The Gentleman is witty and absurd and it smacks you in the face with its voice. It wasn’t the plot that kept me reading, but the distinct cast of characters. It’s like watching a British sitcom (perhaps one starring John Cleese, hmm?) set in Victorian London.

When I cracked open the book, I knew immediately I was in good hands. There were illustrations AND footnotes.

FOOTNOTES.

You can do so much with footnotes. You can tell another story. You can expand ideas, give backstory. You can make snide, passive-aggressive comments. They were cleverly used in The Gentleman. Lionel’s cousin, the “editor” of the book, is a very sensible chap whereas Lionel is a narcissistic poet. The juxtaposition between the two works wonders.

My only gripe is that I wish they had actually journeyed to Hell (or Essex Grove, as the dev’l prefers to call it). But I hear Dante Alighieri does the devil’s gardening, so there’s that. Overall, it was an entirely entertaining story, and I look forward to reading Leo’s other work. If he has any. Which I hope he does. (Did I mention the author is the same age as me and now I feel hugely inadequate?). I would recommend The Gentleman to anyone looking for a good laugh.