Mommies and Mummies

In my dream, I was at Red Balloon Bookshop for an authors’ signing, similar to the one I attended with Alison Goodman, Alwyn Hamilton, Rachel Hawkins, Sabaa Tahir, April Genevieve Tucholke, and Karen Bao. It was rather enjoyable until my mom was invited up on the stage (Pfft, as if she’d deign to go to a book signing with her nerdy daughter). Whatever she said, it embarrassed the hell out of me and made those six lovely authors look at me in horror.

I escaped through a conveniently placed trapdoor.

To land in an ancient Egyptian museum in Cairo. And as I was leaving, the mummy from The Mummy attacked me. But he was his whole human self, no bone or sinew to be seen, so it was kinda sexy until I realized I was Alex, the little kid.

Like any child trying to escape a villain, I convinced him to let me use the bathroom. While I was doing my business as a BOY…

…in this swanky marbled restroom, my father, Brendan Fraser, came to my rescue, only he was quickly defeated.

Then Elrond appeared. Elrond from the FUTURE. Telling me I needed to vanquish the mummy or all will be lost.

Yes, thankyouverymuch, Elrond. As if I couldn’t tell that from the solar eclipse and apocalyptic swarm of locusts.

And then I woke up.

Question: Can someone tell me why they’re remaking The Mummy when it’s already a fantastic movie? And why is Tom Cruise’s pyscho ass in it?

I hate that guy.