Welcome To My Subconscious

joeyharpelDreams6 Comments

My friends dream of their teeth falling out, of their cars being stolen, of them going through their daily routine…and then waking up only to actually go through their daily routine. I have those mundane dreams too. Sometimes.

But usually…I have dreams where I’m pregnant and the baby is writhing and screaming inside me, where my sweet grandmother skins the face of her best friend and turns it into a slipper, where my brother’s eyes are stolen by an enchanted lion.

Though I make it a point to tell my family, friends, and coworkers all my bizarre dreams (because it’s my job to creep them out), I feel like I should widen my audience.

And who knows? Maybe someone who analyzes dreams will tell me what they mean, though I don’t particularly believe they mean anything at all. But if I can get some free therapy out of it, I’m all over that! As a writer, I wish I could tap into that creativity when I’m awake. And so I’m going to use these dreams as writing exercises. 

I once mentioned to my boyfriend that I should keep a dream journal. His response: “Charming. One day that journal is going to gain sentience with all the messed up dreams you’ll write in it. And then it’s going to make all those dreams reality.”

Here’s hopin’ I infect the interwebs with my messed up dreams instead.

Do you keep a dream journal?

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[Review] The Selection – Kiera Cass

joeyharpelBooks, Reviews2 Comments

Title: The Selection
Author: Kiera Cass
Genre: YA Dystopia
Published: April 24th, 2012
My Rating: ★★

Description: For thirty-five girls, the Selection is the chance of a lifetime. The opportunity to escape the life laid out for them since birth. To be swept up in a world of glittering gowns and priceless jewels. To live in a palace and compete for the heart of gorgeous Prince Maxon.

But for America Singer, being Selected is a nightmare. It means turning her back on her secret love with Aspen, who is a caste below her. Leaving her home to enter a fierce competition for a crown she doesn’t want. Living in a palace that is constantly threatened by violent rebel attacks.

Then America meets Prince Maxon. Gradually, she starts to question all the plans she’s made for herself—and realizes that the life she’s always dreamed of may not compare to a future she never imagined.

I started this review before I finished the book because I knew I wasn’t going to like it. I just didn’t know how much I wasn’t going to like it until I got to the end. Thus I had to rewrite my genial critique and post something a bit more toxic. I was literally screaming into my pillow after I’d read it. Not because my inner feminist was raging, but because NOTHING happened.

The Selection is like Hunger Games meets the Bachelor, only with less blood. A lot less blood. Like, no blood. I assumed the girls would be fighting for their Prince. Either physically or with their rapier wit.

Uh, nope. They rip sleeves off of dresses. They spill punch on gowns. They give each other snide remarks. But they do not actually compete against one another. They merely go on dates with the prince and hope they giggle at the right moment or wear the right color dress.

I don’t even understand what the girls are fighting for because Prince Maxon is a stiff. For the first half of the book, I was reading his voice as Baymax from Big Hero Six. He is absolutely devoid of personality and is not even lovable like our squishy robot friend. I kept hoping for Maxon to show a darker side. What’s the point of being a dashing prince if there’s nothing mysterious about you? (more…)

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Confessions of a Book Hoarder

joeyharpelBooks8 Comments

“I’ve gone 16 days without purchasing a book,” I say in the solemn voice of a recovering addict. It’s a hollow, numb feeling. But each day it becomes more tolerable. Until a moment of weakness hits me after a bad day and I just have to browse the Barnes and Noble website.

Since I started having a steady income two years ago, I’ve spent about $100-$150 a month on books. I’ll have one or two packages arriving a week, some with multiple books. Around Black Friday and Christmas, that number doubles. Triples.

I get a lot of unwarranted flak for my book buying from friends and family. I mean, it’s not as though I’m spending my money on drugs and strippers. I earn that damn money. I pay my bills. I provide food for my puppy.

Besides, books are food for the mind. And if I believed in a soul, that too.

However, I’ve come to realize that I sometimes enjoy purchasing books more than I enjoy actually reading them. I love browsing the bookstore, love the torture of waiting in the mail for them. Ripping open the package. Checking to see if the book is harmed (screaming in rage if it is…then becoming giddy because I have an excuse to go to the bookstore and return it). Fondling it. Then finding room on my bookshelves.

But about five seconds later, my loving gaze turns flat, and I’m back to being unhappy. So obviously I have other issues, but until I can get those figured out, I need to slow down my shopping.

No easy feat. (more…)

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First Post

joeyharpelBlatheringsLeave a comment

I’ve made the switch from Blogger to WordPress and, like on Blogger, I will probably say lots of stupid stuff. It could happen that I come up with something smart and witty. Doubtful, but anything’s possible. At any rate, I hope you enjoy reading my posts as much as I enjoy writing them.

No, I take that back. It’s excruciating writing posts.

I hope you enjoy reading my posts as much as I enjoy, uh . . . sucking on the super extra seasoned Chex in Chex Mix. Reading my blog may very well be like eating one of those salty little morsels:

Your face will pucker.

Your eyes may water.

But I hope you savor it.

(Please don’t toss me away like the rye chips, nasty things that they are.)

Be sure to sign up for my mailing list! I pinky swear I won’t spam you.

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