Golems, Victorian Top Gear, and Drag Queens

In my dream, I’m climbing a mountain range with my family. We stop hiking to watch a team of wild horses gallop down the mountainside straight toward us. I panic, but my mother scolds me because this is part of a show I am suddenly partaking in. We duck down and allow the stampede of blindfolded horses to jump over us.

We’re almost clear. But at the last moment, the horses become terrified of a creature lumbering out of the forest. We hide behind a craggy boulder. Two horses lay down beside me, and I stroke their quivering necks. With my other hand, I cradle a duckling.

The creature is a golem, but it pays us no heed.

The dream shifts. I become a bird/raccoon/hobbit creature, like Rocket from Guardians of the Galaxy, only with wings and a beak and hairy feet. I’m somehow him, but also not. Two golems chase after me. They’re different than the first and look like thick-necked Russian mobsters. One’s a woman.

They want me dead.

No matter how many times I try to hurt them, they keep chasing me. I stick a nail in the male’s eye, yet it doesn’t harm him. I shoot the female, but it does nothing. I run through homes, businesses, all older brick buildings with lavish interiors. I’m fast, too, like the Flash. I jump in spurts, transporting myself here and there, but don’t have the stamina to keep it up for long.

Finally, when my energy is almost spent, I lose them in a glade. There, I follow tiny woodland creatures, who guide me to their leader–Top Gear’s former host, Jeremy Clarkson. He’s bedecked in Victorian clothing, with a top hat and everything.

I follow Mr. Clarkson through the forest to a carnival that is supposed to be a safe place from these Russian golems. I become more human and less of a creature.

I meet the rest of the Top Gear crew. James May runs a carnival booth, swindling money from joyous revelers. Richard Hammond, cutie that he is, plays poker at a table. He fervently ignores all of my attentions. Desperate to win him over, I wander the carnival and stumble upon a booth run by a very charming drag queen who is determined to dress up my face.

His assistant, a willowy blonde woman, is not so eager. Rather, as she blots my face with white paint, she decides to keep me there for three days. After those three days, I’m either stuck there for eternity or dead.

On the second day, I find an old film and learn she is not only a ghost, but was once a man. I finally somehow escape her.

And the dream unfortunately ends before I can get anywhere with Hammond.

And on that bombshell, is anyone else as excited as me to see the Top Gear crew in their new show, The Grand Tour?

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  • I read this first thing this morning after a really bad night sleep and before coffee, and I’m complete exhausted by it. That was a LOT of running.

    Does it say something about how I’m feeling that when you mentioned Hobbit I just assumed you were about to sit down to second breakfast?

    I like the Russian mobster golems. I think you should put Russian mobsters (especially the woman, because that’s especially intimidating) into your book. I’m sure there’s a Russian student in your school who’s family made their money in the mob. She should have mobster security guards.

    • I wish my dreams consisted of me sitting down and eating breakfast. It’d be nice to have a pleasant dream for once.

      lol, not sure where I’d fit the mobsters in, but I can try. Can you still believe I don’t have a plot yet? I just have scene after scene, but nothing that’s really adhering them together. I feel like I should give up trying to write realistic fiction and throw in some supernatural stuff.

      • I can believe it. I’d have a really hard time coming up with a plot for real life. I wonder what that says about us? We think real life is too boring? 🙂 I’m still excited to read your scenes. Mean, rich kids are entertaining.

        • Real life is too boring. That’s why I read and immerse myself in cartoons and anime.

          I have an inciting event where the MC’s car door bashes into one of the boy’s cars (afterward referred to as The Dent), which starts them bullying her. But then they become friends and then, well, let’s just say there are going to be some uncomfortable scenes that I don’t think should ever see the light of day. There’s just nothing at stake, except maybe their relationships.